Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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