So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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