Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
