Are we in a gay sports bar?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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