I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
no, he came in my armpit
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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