So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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