I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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