A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
