That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
