Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
