Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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