This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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