Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
