It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
