We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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