I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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