Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
