So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize