Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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