I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We need to get me chipped asap
Who died my cat blue again?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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