she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
