got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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