So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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