oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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