I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
