Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is the high leading the old right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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