how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
