Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
