i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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