i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
