so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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