I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
