thus making me awesome and them whores
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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