well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
