Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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