I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
