if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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