I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
