Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
