he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
