i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
