I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
