it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
