Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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