I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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