Your face is a jimmy john
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
