I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
40s are totally the cure
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
