Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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