It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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