Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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