i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
