You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
