R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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