I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
