Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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