People in love make me want to vomit
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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