chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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