Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
BRING THE BAGELS
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
