I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize