You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
