Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
