i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
