What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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